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Wednesday, 28th o August 2002
Tips to Make Tech Support a Pleasent Efficient Experience
I found this on the Internet a while back. Sums up the trials and tribulations of doing ANY form of tech support. I added a couple of my pet peeves at the bottom. And truthfully, 85% of this stuff has actually happened to me. Why couldn't I have been a farmer?
- Never write down any error messages. Just click "Ok"
or restart your computer. Jim likes to guess what the error message
was.
-
When talking about your computer, use terms like "Thingy"
and "Big Connector."
-
If you get a EXE file in a email attachment, open it immediately.
Jim likes to make sure the anti-virus software is working properly
from time to time.
-
When sending someone your document via email, always assume that
they have all the same software installed that you do.
-
When Jim says he coming right over, log out and go for coffee. It's
no problem for him to remember your password.
-
When you call Jim to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it
buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed
animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and Popsicle sticks. Jim
doesn't have a life, and he finds it deeply moving to catch a
fleeting glimpse of yours.
-
When Jim sends you an email marked as "Highly Important"
or "Action Required", delete it at once. He's probably
just testing some new Email software feature, anyhow.
-
When Jim is eating lunch at his desk or in the lunchroom, walk right
in and spill your guts and expect him to respond immediately. Jim
exists only to serve and is always ready to think about fixing
computers.
-
When Jim is at the water cooler or outside taking a breath of fresh
air, find him and ask him a computer question. The only reason he
takes breaks at all is to ferret out all those employees who don't
have email or a telephone line.
-
Send urgent email ALL IN UPPERCASE. The mail server picks it up and
flags it as a rush delivery.
-
When the photocopier doesn't work, call Jim. There's electronics in
it, right?
-
When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at your home computer,
call Jim. He can even fix telephone problems from remote locations
too.
-
When something is wrong with your home PC, dump it on Jim's chair
with no name, no phone number, and no description of the problem. He
just loves a good mystery.
-
When you have Jim on the phone walking you through changing a
setting; read the newspaper. Jim doesn't actually mean for you to DO
anything; he just loves to hear himself talk.
-
When your company offers training on an upcoming OS upgrade; don't
bother to sign up. Jim will be there to hold your hand after it is
done.
-
When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times.
Print jobs frequently just disappear into the cosmos for no reason.
-
When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to
all the printers in the office. One of them is bound to work.
-
Don't use online help. Online help is for wimps. Right?
-
If you're taking night classes in computer science, feel free to
demonstrate your fledgling expertise by updating the network drivers
for you and all your co-workers. Jim will be grateful for the
overtime when he has to stay until 2:30am fixing all of them.
-
When Jim's fixing your computer at a quarter past one, eat your
Whopper with cheese in his face. He functions better when he's
slightly dizzy from hunger.
-
Don't ever thank Jim. He loves fixing everything AND getting paid
for it!
-
When Jim asks you whether you've installed any new software on your
computer, lie. It's nobody's business what you've got on your
computer.
-
If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your
dog, lift the computer and stuff the cable under it. Those skinny
Mouse cables were designed to have 55 lbs. of computer monitor
crushing on them.
-
If the space bar on your keyboard doesn't work, blame Jim for not
upgrading it sooner. Hell, it's not your fault that there's a half a
pound of pizza crust crumbs, nail clippings, and big sticky drops of
Mountain Dew under the keys.
-
When you get the message saying "Are you sure?", click on
that "Yes" button as fast as you can. Hell, if you weren't
sure, you wouldn't be doing it, would you?
-
Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don't know nothing
about that computer crap." It never bothers Jim to hear his
area of professional expertise referred to as crap.
-
When you need to add paper to the printer, call Jim. Changing the
paper is an extremely menial task, and both Hewlett Packard and
Lexmark recommend that it be performed only by certified network
administrators with lots of time on their hands.
-
When you receive a 130-megabyte movie file, send it to everyone as a
high-priority mail attachment. Jim's provided plenty of disk space
and processor capacity on the new mail server just for those
important kinds of things.
-
Don't even think of breaking large print jobs down into smaller
chunks. God forbid somebody else should sneak a one-page job in
between your 427-page Excel spreadsheet.
-
When you bump into Jim in the grocery store on a Sunday afternoon,
ask him computer question. He works 24/7, even while at Dominick's
buying toilet paper and doggie treats.
-
If your son is a student in computer science, have him come in on
the weekends and do his projects on your office computer. Jim will
be there for you when your son's illegal copy of Visual Basic 6.0
makes the Access database keel over and die.
-
When you bring Jim your own " no-name" brand home PC to
repair for free at the office, tell him how urgently he needs to fix
it so you can get back to playing EverQuest. He'll get on it right
away because he has so much free time at the office. Everybody knows
that all he does is surf the Internet all day anyway.
And I'll add a couple at the end here:
- When Jim is in your office doing an upgrade or tech support, leave promptly at Lunch or 5 PM. He loves feeling like he cares more about your work than you do.
- When Jim is in your office doing an upgrade or tech support, leave promptly at Lunch or 5 PM and tell him nothing! Jim doesn't rely on primitive verbal communication and human contact.